Life is a little up in the air right now. That brings me to a very pertinent question. If someone is in immense pain should we expect them to live on because their loss would be too painful for us?
Every single day is a struggle. Waking up, going to sleep, waking, sleep… and every second in between. Every moment is mind-numbingly painful. How does that make you feel? Would you like that pain to continue indefinitely?
If i left this earth tomorrow that pain would magically vanish; but you might latch onto that pain instead? So, who deserves the pain more? You or me?
I don’t know the answer.
But..
Should I live in pain so you can live pain-free?
I can so relate to this on a personal level. Let’s just say I face chronic pain on a physical level due to fibromyalgia and all that this entails. And, I face chronic pain from mental health issues due to anxiety and depression and agoraphobia on a daily basis. My main issues were severely triggered by trauma some years ago, and have gotten better in some ways with therapy and treatment, yet will need truly go away. I have gone through the grieving process of losing my past self, and coming to terms with my present self, the way I am now, a chronic pain survivor. I often wish that I could be pain free. I hope that one day I will be. For now I just take each day as it comes, sometimes hour by hour. My physical world has become so much smaller, but that’s okay for now. I can appreciate the online world, and gain so much comfort from my online community. My son, aged 24 years old, also suffers from periods of depression and anxiety. He has done so from primary school age onwards. He had a hard time going through school, and he has suffered some trauma as well. Although, I can empathise with him, his experience is different to mine and the help that he needs is different to mine. As a mother, I find it heart breaking at times. I wish that he did not have to suffer the pain. At times, he has been suicidal. But, thankfully we have been able to get through it. We have each other, no matter what. Having my son go through this, is teaching me so much. He is such an empathetic young man, and I am so lucky to have him. Thank you, Dougal, for sharing this. You are not alone.