Would Anybody Miss Me When I’m Gone?

Would anybody miss me when I’m gone?  Truly?  Perhaps a few.  They’d soon get over it I’m sure.

Spent the whole of yesterday deliberating over calling the Samaritans but I’m unsure of their efficiency or even what they could possibly do to help me.  Finding privacy to make the call was also difficult.  Ended up using a text service from CALMzone and oh my god!  they made me want to end it there and then!

They began with all the normal standard questions:

Have you made a plan to kill yourself?
What methods have you researched?
Do you have the means to carry it out?

Once they established I wasn’t about to off myself that very minute they slowed the conversation down to where I was waiting up to seven minutes for a reply and even then the questions were about irrelevant things like:

How do you feel about your upcoming mental health appointment?

Yeah the ‘upcoming’ appointment in three weeks.  What the fuck has that got to do with anything?  It was like they had run out of things to say and just wanted to change the topic of conversation.

However, I was still in the same mindset as when I started.

She kept asking me the most ridiculous questions too:

What type of solutions do you think will help you?
How do you think you can be helped?

I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!  honestly, i’m in a suicidal mind, frazzled brain and she’s asking what I think is best for me!  Well, to put it bluntly, the best thing for me at that moment would be to throw myself in front of a fucking bus!

Seriously, the level of frustration that built could’ve tipped someone over the edge.

I’m guessing most of you are thinking ‘well if he’s shouting about this there’s no way he’s gonna do anything.  Attention seeker’.

Maybe.  Maybe not.  We’ll just have to wait and see after the fact.

It’s irrelevant to me what anyone else thinks right now.  What will be will be.  We’ll just have to wait and see.